Unfold

Merr

That moment when you realize just how much you care about some one, then that moment when you realize they don’t feel the same at all.

Wishes

Oh, how I wish I could bring pictures to life as deftly as I make words prance off parchment and onto countless imaginations.

please

All I want is someone to be there for me. Some one who knows what to say and doesn’t use my words against me when I am most vulnerable. I need someone willing to listen to complaints and tears because they genuinely care and not because they want to prove they have the capacity to help people due to a peer counseling course. I need someone who knows when absolute truth should be thrown down versus when I need a soft cushion to land on. I need someone who knows me well enough to know what to do when I admit that I am terrified because honestly if you cannot help me when I am at my weakest, then you don’t deserve to bask in my strength.

Johnny

when its someone else
its no big deal
you can brush it off
cause time will heal
but when its you
everything changes
and suddenly your begging
for second chances
why did you have to leave
when are u coming home
when the answer is never
what are u supposed to do
are you supposed to act
like everything is fine
like everyrhing you said before
should still apply to you
well it doesnt
and it never could
and u realize how stupid it was
to think that im sorry
was enough to comfort anyone
when it clearly isnt
and it never will be
but one thing that was true
is that time will heal
so just take a deep breath
and know that everything
will be okay
maybe not now or tomorrow
or even next year
but someday
though probably not soon
you will wake up
and that sadness in your heart
will have transformed
into something else
into love and good memories
that not even time
will destroy
time can heal
time can even change
who you think you are
but it cant make you forget
anyone who ever landed a spot
inside your open heart
so leave it open forever
and embrace all you can
because life is a bandit
that slips straight through your hands.

RIP Johnny. I wrote this the day i found out but i had not found the will to post it. The scariest thibg is we weren’t even that close but your death has brought so many changes in my life. I doubted my faith for the first time in years and i cry all the time when i think about how sudden it was that i went from being full of conviction that there was more after life to now when i have to pray every night to regain that connection. The worst part is I have to believe I met you as a part of fate since I only really spoke to you two weeks before you passed. Why did that have to happen? why were you briefly placed in my life just to disappear as part of God’s plan? It’s almost as if it was all a test of my faith and I have to admit that if that is the case, then I have to wonder if Im failing. I can’t believe you are gone, but more then anything i hope that there is something more and that you are resting peacefully watching over everyone who loves you.

I used to wish that it never got dark. That never did that cold blanket engulf the sky and make me want to climb inside my own skin. But then one day, in the midst of this darkness i finally realized something that woke me up to new possibilities. I realized the simple fact that, without the dark, we’d never see the stars :-)

Thought

I’m not asking for forever, so why do you insist of giving it to me anyway? Hold it in a little longer, who knows what the future might bring?